Four Silly Little Words

we cant be together…
who knew four little silly words
could scare and devastate me so much
make me feel so afraid of feeling
they were just words in of themselves
Not threatening separately and in other contexts
but coming from the one man I have loved
from the moment we first kissed
from the man I have given my everything to
from the man that will forever
have a piece of my heart if not the whole thing
from this man
it sent a shock though me
even knowing
that he really didn’t mean it
in the way I had immediately, reflexively taken it as
It felt like it took a little bit more work to keep on breathing
Feeling so alone, so vulnerable
Knowing how disposable I truly was
trying to focus on the next breath, I needed to breathe
Trying not to re-live the emotions of that day
The absoluteness of losing the man
I had thought would never, ever leave me
Four silly little words
Four silly little words


(c) Bonnie B

Don't look into the mirror.

Watch her face crumple
watch her try to breathe
watch her cry

because of her pain
her fears
her insecurities

she whispers 'Don't look into the mirror.'

how is she to know
what is she to do
she's scared

as she looks into the mirror
as she tries to stop crying
she feels the breaking

the breaking of
yet another
part of her

she whispers 'Don't look into the mirror.'

she doesn't know where to go
feels like there's no where to turn
sadness and anger flowing in her veins

she tells herself 'make it work'
'Try it one more time'
but she's running out of time

she whispers 'Don't look into the mirror.'

decisions get harder
life gets faster
there's just too much for her to master

she wants to scream
to break the mirror that mocks her
to bring everything to the floor

she whispers 'Don't look into the mirror.'

breathing gets harder
lying gets easier
trying to erase her mistakes
but only making more

she puts her head in her hands
collects all of her pain
grits her teeth

she whispers 'Don't look into the mirror.'

She puts her pain deep, deep down
where it cant be found
where no one can see it

whipping her tears away
she looks into that mirror
and hates herself

she whispers 'Stop looking in the mirror.'

but she knows
its the only way
she'll make it

she whispers 'Stop looking in the mirror, you won't find it.'

Don't

Love Me, Don't Hate Me

Think About Me, Don't Talk About Me

Forgive Me, Don't Forget Me

Walk with me Not Away from me

Speak to me don't ignore me

Tell me what you think don't leave me out

Like me don't pretend to

Take me as I am don't expect me to change

help me don't let me drive myself into the ground

Protect me don't wound me

Kiss me don't hurt me

reach for me don't run from me

understand me don't stop trying

Hold me don't let me go...



Need me because I need you

Keep me because I'll keep you

Love me because I Love you








(c) Bonnie B.

Built up Frustrations

Built up Frustrations
all new sensations
new found pleasures
security measures
feel my touch
slip friction clutch


bittersweet emotions
life promotions
so much to master
want it to go faster


understand the words I say
there's so many ways to stray
needing nothing, Wanting it all
be strong, don't fall


Built up Frustrations
all new sensations
new found pleasures
security measures
feel my touch
slip friction clutch


no more lies
just need to improvise
more wrong answers than right
my king of the night


body and soul
I'm yours to control
wrong or right
they'll be no fight


Built up Frustrations
all new sensations
new found pleasures
security measures
feel my touch
slip friction clutch

I miss you so much...

met me in your dreams
go to the extremes
I'll be your reality
craving sensuality

Built up Frustrations
all new sensations
new found pleasures
security measures
feel my touch
slip friction clutch


Frustrated sensations
slip friction clutch













(c) Bonnie B.

It's Over...

I dont ever wanna say
its over
dont wanna say
that I don't want this anymore
tears consume me
my tears they burn me
I need you...
but your so far away

wanting way too much
going way to fast
reminding me of past
mistakes...

my flesh is calling
I am falling
I've come to far
to mess it up now

I dont ever wanna say
its over
dont wanna say
that I don't want this anymore
tears consume me
my tears they burn me
I need you...
but your so far away

my mind is working overtime
telling me we'll make a mistake
that'll make my heart break
that'll make my love fake
I don't want this...

innocents is lost
didn't care of the cost
never will I be the same

I dont ever wanna say
its over
dont wanna say
that I don't want this anymore
tears consume me
my tears they burn me
I need you...
but your so far away











(c) Bonnie B.

My Tears

nothing sees to be right
I can feel it we're
on the brink of a fight
everything so unclear
just don't

Im lost, I know it
so much I don't want to admit
my tears burn me
my fears turn me
into another girl

Trouble finds me
hunts me down
feeling like I might drown
very time you give me that frown
stop it!

I'm who I am
who I'll always be
why can't you see?
why can't you try
to understand






(c) Bonnie B.

Tell me

Pain consumes me
takes me in
telling me I'm wrong
it tells me I'm not worth it
that I'll never be
it tells me you don't love me anymore
that it'll never be the same
I wish I could tell them its not true...

they tell me I'm ugly
that I'm nothing anyone wants
it tells me old scars never fade
who am I to say, its not true?

I need.... Something
someone to tell me...
something...

pain consumes me
takes me in
telling me I'm wrong
it tells me I'm not worth it
that I'll never be
it tells me you don't love me anymore
that it'll never be the same
I wish I could tell them its not true...

because they keep saying
I'll never make it
I'll never be good enough for you
..For anyone
they tell me to give up
to cry myself to sleep
but that not what I want

I want to be loved...
I want to be beautiful...
I want to be more...

I need.... Something
someone to tell me...
something...

pain consumes me
takes me in
telling me I'm wrong
it tells me I'm not worth it
that I'll never be
it tells me you don't love me anymore
that it'll never be the same
I wish I could tell them its not true...


pain consumes me...
and I don't want to cry... cry myself to sleep...
please... Not again.

I wish I could tell them its not true.







(c) Bonnie B.

Kissin' You Cold

Those blue eyes
Will be my demise
They look through me
Take me in
Making my head spin
Baby, your my sin

Those hands of yours
They open doors
Just take me to another place
Just wanna look at your face
I don't care where we're going
As long as its with you

If the truth is to be told
I'm wild about kissin' you cold
If the truth is on the table
I'm anything but stable
Yeah, I'm anything but able
to breathe

those words you say
when we're away, alone
telling the unknown
got me wound up
trying to get closer to you
but I'm already there

that pain I see
kills me when I push you away
always wanting you
even when we argue
always wishing
you'd never have to leave

If the truth is to be told
I'm wild about kissin' you cold
If the truth is on the table
I'm anything but stable
Yeah, I'm anything but able
to breathe

If the truth is to be told
I'm wild about kissin' you cold
If the truth is on the table
I'm anything but stable
Yeah, I'm anything but able
to believe

your gone...






(c) Bonnie B.

Not Enough Lies

Talking to you late
contemplating fate
got you up all night
talking about our fight

I can feel it
I'm changing
I'm choosing
another way
hoping I won't
lose myself in pain

knowing what I gave you
knowing I can never have it back
all I feel I lack
I Love you, its true
but... I hate her

so many questions
not enough lies
listen as she cries
just look into her eyes
do you see the fear? The pain?
tell me you'll always be there
but that's not fair...
cause I know you won't

lies unite us
lies tear us apart
trust is strong
trust is weak
what is it you seek?

this is everything I've been wanting
everything so taunting
but I didn't know I'd be so scared
I'm so very unprepared

trying too hard
always on your guard
pushing and pulling
twisting and turning
too far in to be unscarred

so many questions
not enough lies
listen as she cries
just look into her eyes
do you see the fear? The pain?
tell me you'll always be there
but that's not fair...
cause I know you won't

so many questions
not enough lies
listen as she cries
just look into her eyes
do you see the fear? The pain?
tell me you'll always be there
but that's not fair...
cause I know you won't

but I can always dream...










(c) Bonnie B.

60 Days Without You

In the dark
alone with you
wishing it weren't true
breathing heavy
going fast
this just has to last

the way you make me feel
it's truly unreal
wild with the thrill
never knowing how to react
always got me sidetracked
baby, I'm lost without you

60 days without you
please tell me its not true
60 days of waiting
wishing you were here
nothing should hurt this much
craving for your touch
Baby, I need you

In the rain
laughing with you
never knowing
never knowing of the pain
but knowing now
its still worth it

yeah I'll count days
but for now
I'm counting minutes
all of it a daze
knowing its just a faze
Baby, I miss you

60 days without you
please tell me its not true
60 days of waiting
wishing you were here
nothing should hurt this much
craving for your touch
Baby, I need you

remember where I took you
where we just sat and talked
just us two
where there was water and green
seeing the unseen
baby, lets go back

60 days without you
please tell me its not true
60 days of waiting
wishing you were here
nothing should hurt this much
craving for your touch
Baby, I Love you




I Love you more.







(c) Bonnie Broderick

I may break

I think I may break
there's just so much at stake
wanting it all
but knowing that could be the
reason for our fall

everything so perfect, so true
But nothings perfect, So I'm scared
that I'll end up losing you
going crazy thinking
maybe that's why I never do

this love of ours is sweet
but it hurts me
just waiting for my defeat
this love you give
holds me captive

I think I may break
there's just so much at stake
wanting it all
but knowing that could be the
reason for our fall

it wasn't supposed to happen
never this way
I meant to leave you
before you had a chance
to burn me

but every time I saw you
I forgot my plan
laughed with you and kissed you
no, it wasn't supposed to be that way
but I'm happy it did

I wouldn't give this way
for anything
please you must understand
I Love you... I always will

I think I may break
there's just so much at stake
wanting it all
but knowing that could be the
reason for our fall

I can't bear it when your sad
wish I could kiss your pain away
laugh for me, smile for me
man I've got it bad....

I think I may break
there's just so much at stake
wanting it all
but knowing that could be the
reason for our fall

I don't ever want to fall.... Not unless your there to catch me












(c) Bonnie Broderick

I Love You

It's late, I know
busy thinking
busy thinking of today
it's late I know
but baby

you've got me going crazy
life without you getting hazy
I know when you leave
It'll hurt like you won't believe
but every kiss I give you
is a promise, I Love You

as I get deeper
as I find out there's
so much more to find
knowing it all has to be defined
I see how much you matter
to me...

finding this is more than a
one time fling
more than what a
crush can bring
to tell the truth...
I'm scared

you've got me going crazy
life without you getting hazy
I know when you leave
It'll hurt like you won't believe
but every kiss I give you
is a promise, I Love You

you've done it again
making me go crazy
I'm anything but lazy
I want to know it all
want to know before nightfall
but there's too much to know

wanting you to kiss me
wanting you to miss me
tell me you do and
kiss me just one more time
okay... Just once more

you've got me going crazy
life without you getting hazy
I know when you leave
It'll hurt like you won't believe
but every kiss I give you
is a promise, I Love You

your not what I expected
baby your so much more
your not who I thought you'd be
baby your better

you've got me going crazy
life without you getting hazy
I know when you leave
It'll hurt like you won't believe
but every kiss I give you
is a promise, I Love You


I Love You, Baby.









(c) Bonnie Broderick

Don't Understand

I know you love me
and I know you care
your everything
your mine

but nothings perfect
I know that well
nothing perfect but
I tell you, all of my faults
where's my verdict?

do you not trust me?
I just don't understand
why you can't tell me first-hand
is there a reason your protecting
me from you?
don't you understand all I want
is you?
but I can't do that at arms length
only when we're level
Do you not trust me?

I know it may sound stupid
but really who cares?
nothing I can say will change you
and stuff you keep from me
I might never know

but we both know
it always comes back later
and this will never work
if your not honest with me
I promise I won't be angry

do you not trust me?
I just don't understand
why you can't tell me first-hand
is there a reason your protecting
me from you?
don't you understand all I want
is you?
but I can't do that at arms length
only when we're level
Do you not trust me?


I just don't understand
why can't you just tell me?


do you not trust me?
I just don't understand
why you can't tell me first-hand
is there a reason your protecting
me from you?
don't you understand all I want
is you?
but I can't do that at arms length
only when we're level
Do you not trust me?


Why don't you trust me?








(c) Bonnie B.

Details disappear

Details disappear
just when you think
you've got nothing to fear
when you've stopped hiding
from the shadows
from the pain

facts fade
feeling like you've
been betrayed
by all who said
they'd never

Details are disappearing
facts are fading
reasons are slipping
meanings are dissolving
reality is vanishing
nothing will stay

reasons slip away
knowing later you'll
have to pay
for everything
you say

meanings dissolve
just when you've
come to your resolve
nothing making sense
when it matters most

Details are disappearing
facts are fading
reasons are slipping
meanings are dissolving
reality is vanishing
nothing will stay

reality vanishes
waiting for some kind
of advantages
so that you don't
feel so, so far behind

Details are disappearing
facts are fading
reasons are slipping
meanings are dissolving
reality is vanishing
nothing will ever stay




(c) Bonnie B.

Never

Feeling like nothing I do is right
always needing to fight
for the respect I know I deserve
always having to look away
pretend like I don't care
that they look at me the way they do


it never ends
it never goes away
in the end you ALWAYS have to pay


I know what I am, who I am
but knowing who I wanted to be still hurts
I may look like I didn't get it
but the truth is, I didn't want to
I may act like I'm ok with that
but the cold hard truth is I hate it.


It never ends
it never goes away
in the end you ALWAYS have to pay


Looking away, knowing I'll have to pay
Crying when I know, no one will care
all the pain I have to share
complaining about everything to forget
all the things inside if me that are hurting
maybe I am shallow, foolish and small
but how would you know, if you never really look


it never ends
it never goes away
in the end you ALWAYS have to pay


I see every look they give me
I know you think I don't
surgar coating words to make it seem funny
I know its not
But laughing is better than crying
yeah, laughing is better than trying
to explain


it never ends
it never goes away
in the end you ALWAYS have to pay
in the end you wish you hadn't strayed







(c) Bonnie Broderick

Lovin' me

Life's been crazy
details getting hazy
you stepped into my life
you must of brought a knife
cause your too good

your touch is all I'm craving
my heart is what your saving
kiss me one more time
but baby lovin' me's a crime
you'll see

yaaah I'm a bad girl, but I'm on a leash
yaaah I'll be your girl, but I'll be on a chain

Lovin' me, its a murdering offence
baby kissin' me is a life-sentence
So think it over, don't pretend
cause if I'm not all you want
I don't need a boyfriend
baby, I'm a once a lifetime girl
but Lovin' me, its a murdering offence

your kissings got me wild
tripped, every time you smiled
baby this is all new to me
but Im not gonna risk being burned
So, don't make a fool of me

stay here, with me
I'll show you all there is to see
lets have fun while there's still time
and everything will be fine

yaaah I'm a bad girl, but I'm on a leash
yaaah I'll be your girl, but I'll be on a chain

Lovin' me, its a murdering offence
baby kissin' me is a life-sentence
So think it over, don't pretend
cause if I'm not all you want
I don't need a boyfriend
baby, I'm a once a lifetime girl
but Lovin' me, its a murdering offence

yaah, Lovin' me its a murdering-offence...














(c) Bonnie B.

'CAUSE IM STILL BROKEN

THEY SAY EVERYTHING IS BLACK AND WHITE
BUT ALL I SEEM TO SEE IS GRAY
NOTHINGS RIGHT, IT'S ALL A MISTAKE
LIFE GETS HARDER, HEARTBEATS SLOWER

I KNOW I'M DOING IT ALL WRONG
PRETENDING I'M STILL STRONG
I DON'T KNOW HOW I FEEL
I REALLY JUST NEED TO HEAL

I KEEP BREAKING
CAUSE I'M NEVER REALLY FIXED
HEARTBEATS FAST CAN'T SEEM TO LEAVE IT ALL IN THE PAST
I KNOW I'M WRONG, I KNOW I'M HEADSTRONG
IT HURTS, O GOD IT HURTS...

'CAUSE I'M STILL BROKEN
DEEP DOWN INSIDE
EVERYONE MAKES ME MAD
EVERYTHING MAKES ME SAD
LIFE GETS HARDER WITH EVERY STEP I'M TAKING
DON'T KNOW THE MISTAKES I'M MAKING
CAUSE I'M STILL BROKEN
TAKING A BULLET TO THE HEART

I'M GONNA CLOSE MY EYES
WISH ALL MY PAIN AWAY
BUT I KNOW MY DEMONS WILL STAY
CAUSE I CAN'T SAY THEY'RE ARE WRONG

I'M PAST HELP, PAST KNOWING
PRETENDING MAY COST MORE THEN ITS WORTH
I'M TRYING, ON THIS LITTLE PLACE CALLED EARTH
BUT IT'S NOT GOING AWAY

I KEEP BREAKING
CAUSE I'M NEVER REALLY FIXED
HEARTBEATS FAST CAN'T SEEM TO LEAVE IT ALL IN THE PAST
I KNOW I'M WRONG, I KNOW I'M HEADSTRONG
IT HURTS, O GOD IT REALLY HURTS...

'CAUSE I'M STILL BROKEN
DEEP DOWN INSIDE
EVERYONE MAKES ME MAD
EVERYTHING MAKES ME SAD
LIFE GETS HARDER WITH EVERY STEP I'M TAKING
DON'T KNOW THE MISTAKES I'M MAKING
CAUSE I'M STILL BROKEN
TAKING A BULLET TO THE HEART

'CAUSE I'M STILL BROKEN
DEEP DOWN INSIDE
EVERYONE MAKES ME MAD
EVERYTHING MAKES ME SAD
CAUSE I'M STILL BROKEN
TAKING BULLETS TO THE HEART








BY: BONNIE B.

Don't

So many lies, so many ties
Trying to make you see
that there's much more to me
getting in over my head, fast

I just wanna have fun
I just wanna be me
why am I doing this
Its suffocating me

Don't tell me you love me
Don't tell me you care
Don't tell me you want me
Don't tell me you dare
Don't wanna hear it anymore
Don't wanna hear those lies
Im not gonna make the same mistakes
I'm not that little girl anymore
I won't be that girl...

wrong. Right. Black and white.
why dose my world look gray
with no right answers
and no right turns

giving up is not option
but I don't know what to do
Giving up is not an option
but I still want to...

Don't tell me you love me
Don't tell me you care
Don't tell me you want me
Don't tell me you dare
Don't wanna hear it anymore
Don't wanna hear those lies
Im not gonna make the same mistakes
I'm not that little girl anymore
I won't be that wh0re...


DON'T TELL ME. Just... don't

All I Know

Every time I try and hold back these tears
it seems that all that's left are my fears
this smile, stapled on hurts me
hurting me, like nothing else can, can't you see?

Pounding in my ears, flowing through my veins
Music, seems to drown out all of my hidden pains
But I can still hear it, the screaming that separates me
My head hurts, and still no one can see

Step back, look around
change is what I need
Re-shape what is me
But what will be the fee?

I have no Answers, No view
All I know is, my life is askew
There will be no surrender
Cause I'm no pretender
And I won't watch my world crumble
Just because I stumbled
I have no answers, No View
All I know is, this is an issue

afraid to close my eyes, to seep, to dream
It's another day lost another day forgotten
I'm on breakdown mode but I've put it on pause
My Life can't be so much of a lost cause

Too many lessons I've forgotten to learn
Every word you say to me seems to burn
My stomach is in knots, that never come undone
But this fight is far from done

Step back, look around
change is what I need
Re-shape what is me
But what will be the fee?

I have no Answers, No view
All I know is, my life is askew
There will be no surrender
Cause I'm no pretender
And I won't watch my world crumble
Just because I stumbled
I have no answers, No View
All I know is, this is an issue

Yeah I know I still have lots to lose, to learn
I'm gonna close my eyes and hope
Hope That It'll all be Okay

I have no Answers, No view
All I know is, my life is askew
There will be no surrender
Cause I'm no pretender
And I won't watch my world crumble
Just because I stumbled
I have no answers, No View
All I know is, this is an issue

This IS an Issue.








(c) Bonnie B.

Mirror, Mirror

None of these Thoughts are real
So why is it all So messed up
my mind is on a roll, it's not listening
my world keeps getting twisted
I have to

stop my mind working overtime
driving me insane with fear
It's becoming my worst enemy
One minute I am fine
The next I've lost my mind

Mirror mirror on the wall
Who's the dumbest of them all
getting all caught up in my own lies
my life is not a fairytale to make
hurting myself with every twist, every stake
Mirror mirror on the wall
Who's the fakest of the all

Insecurities keep on growing
Pain, Sadness and anger calling
Panic sets in
wanting to give in
To make this story worth reading

screaming to make the sound of pain fade
laughing to make it look all ok
You think I've got it
I'll write it in
lies upon lies

Mirror mirror on the wall
Who's the dumbest of them all
getting all caught up in my own lies
my life is not a fairytale to make
hurting myself with every twist, every stake
Mirror mirror on the wall
Who's the fakest of the all

Mirror mirror on the wall...







(c) Bonnie B.

The breaking of a broken heart

Why do I cry
cry to the heavens
thought I think no one hears
why dose it hurt
when the result would have been the same
The breaking of a broken heart
the tearing of the torn
every tear I cry
every word I scream
I cant seem to get away from it all
d@mmit you broke me
after taking what I gave you
now I'm left with contempt for myself
I'm left behind once again
The breaking of a broken heart
the tearing of the torn
mistakes made not once but twice
are like a vice
and it'll never let me go
never let be be what I was to be
The breaking of a broken heart
the tearing of the torn




(c) Bonnie B.

Just

Thought I had it all figured out
or maybe I knew I didn't
So many things I wish I hadn't done
But all I could think of was the fun
I know

use me, leave me behind
abuse me, there's nothing left to find
another girl forgotten
another nothing left behind
I know

what do you do then
with trouble just around the bend
what's left to fight for
when your left crawling on the floor

Just another nothing
Just another Girl
Just leave me
Just leave me to die
Just cry
Just cry like you did before
Just pretend this isn't happening
Just Pretend you don't care
Just another nothing
Just another girl

I'm never gonna learn
that's none of your concern
d@mn him for treating me like...
what I really am
I know

Drown myself in music
Drown myself in pity
that will get me no where
done it before
I know

what do you do then
with trouble just around the bend
what's left to fight for
when your left crawling on the floor

Just another nothing
Just another Girl
Just leave me
Just leave me to die
Just cry
Just cry like you did before
Just pretend this isn't happening
Just Pretend you don't care
Just another nothing
Just another girl

I'll pretend like I've got it
I'll pretend I think I'm beautiful
I'll pretend like I'm not afraid
I'll pretend like I'm that girl
The girl I used to be before...

what do you do then
with trouble just around the bend
what's left to fight for
when your left crawling on the floor

Just another nothing
Just another Girl
Just leave me
Just leave me to die
Just cry
Just cry like you did before
Just pretend this isn't happening
Just Pretend you don't care
Just another nothing
Just another girl

Just Pretend.






(c) Bonnie B.

Mabye...

Stuck with no where to go
stuck with nothing to show
don't know how I thought life would be
but its not what you see

gave it all away
don't think I'm gonna be okay
I'm looking for something
don't know what I'm so post to find

all I seem to do
everything they expect of me
I'm...

Hurting all I Touch
disappointing all I know
never good enough
never on the right side
All I can think of doing
is run and hide
shove another pill down your throat
kill yourself one more time
and maybe you'll stay dead

maybe...

everything is slipping
my heart is ripping
life just got harder
for me to harbor

alone, with no one to hear
hear as I lose my sanity with every tear
hear as I lose all I had held dear
nothing is clear anymore

all I seem to do
everything they expect of me
I'm...

Hurting all I Touch
disappointing all I know
never good enough
never on the right side
All I can think of doing
is run and hide
shove another pill down your throat
kill yourself one more time
and maybe you'll stay dead

maybe...You can't die







(c) Bonnie B.

Let Me

I cant be that lil' girl you want me to be
Can't be that lil' angel for every one to see
All I can do is be who I've always been
is that so much of a sin

Yeah, I'll laugh, I'll even cry
but there is more to life that you can't deny
My mistakes are, mine to deal with
why won't you just

Let me live my life
and be who I wanna be
let me make my mistakes
just like you got to make yours
let me live...


Let me live my life
and be who I wanna be
let me make my mistakes
just like you got to make yours
let me live...

(c) Bonnie B.

Just Keep Breathing

Trying to ignore this pain
There's nothing but the rain
watching as my life gets more insane
misery rains down on me

feeling like someone's always watching
disapproving my every move
why won't anyone approve
approve of me

finding it harder...
Finding it harder to breathe

Just keep breathing
pretend that your alive
Just keep breathing
maybe you'll survive
Just keep on breathing

no one likes to be alone
totally and utterly alone
tell me if your there
tell me your more than just air

Trying to figure out this life
trying to figure out where I messed up
and when I became this girl
but now I'm...

finding it harder...
Finding it harder to breathe

Just keep breathing
pretend that your alive
Just keep breathing
maybe you'll survive
Just keep on breathing

Tell me you love me (breathe)
tell me like you mean it (breathe)
cause' I know too many liars (breath)
and I've been used too many times (breathe)

finding it harder...
Finding it harder to breathe

Just keep breathing
pretend that your alive
Just keep breathing
maybe you'll survive
Just keep on breathing

Breathe...




(c) Bonnie

9/11 Poem

wrote this on the day of September 11 as the planes we're crashing into our twin towers and I thought I would share it with you on its 4th Anniversary...

(FYI: some of it will make NO SCENCE because I was even worse with spelling/grammar then and I can't really read all of what I wrote...)



Twin Towers and America

Hussien had a heart of stone
trying to change America
that he did
red, white and blue waves swiftly
crashing planes and dying too
with dirty hearts and evil plans
though America still stands
strong and sturdy we are
but we must stay together
If we don't put our trust in God
we will surly be as successful as bin lodin
America knows that pain can be sudden or slow
for some there is no pain
but for those who are left behind
and others upset by the buildings
pain is there
but together we can come though
we can't let bin Lodin do what he came to do
Now bin Lodin hides in fear
this is disgraceful for a man who tampered with America
So quite, are you scared?
you who tampered with America?
evince yourself
stop being prudent
because time will catch you and trap you
President Bush O so strong
found the plan
now in war our men fight
We'll fight Hussien with his copies and his weapons
you will not stand




(c) Bonnie B. '01

Keeps On

Since when have my emotions become so complicated
how did I get so weird and hated
when did my world change
what am I doing

I wanna laugh and have some fun
but it seems the crying has just begun
I wanna talk and be the same
but I'm who I became

my head keeps on spinning
I don't know what Im gonna do
if you cant be happy with me all new
I don't really know what to say
don't know what else I'll betray
My life keeps on turning

(STOP!)

just slowdown
don't wanna be a letdown
when is it gonna be okay
I don't know what to say

I have these emotions
there's nothing I can do
everything is strange
and everything did its change without me

my head keeps on spinning
I don't know what Im gonna do
if you cant be happy with me all new
I don't really know what to say
don't know what else I'll betray
My life keeps on Burning

changes, don't think I'll ever be the same
changes, can you take what I became
changes, life is full
changes, at least its not at all dull

my head keeps on spinning
I don't know what Im gonna do
if you cant be happy with me all new
I don't really know what to say
don't know what else I'll betray
My life keeps on and on and on

So, I'll keep on and on and on and on






(c) Bonnie Broderick

This Isn't

You left me
left me with myself
you left me
and I let you

~

I let you in
among all of my sin
I let you in
and now I need you

~

This isn't what I wanted
this isn't what it was so post to be
why dose it all have to be like this
why do I feel like sh!t
I have everything to lose

~

why can't you let me
be who I wanna be
why do I feel like
your not ok with me

~

I wish you could understand
but I know you never will
this is what I was always afraid of
cause' it hurts that you disapprove

~

This isn't what I wanted
this isn't what it was so post to be
why dose it all have to be like this
why do I feel like sh!t
I have everything to lose

~

and it hurts that you disapprove...

~


(c) Bonnie B.

Dont Wanna Bring You down

Im gonna stay here
here on my own
not gonna go with you
cause' I'll just bring you down

Im gonna cry
cry like the baby I am
Not gonna call you the phone
Cause' I'll just bring you down

I'm the issue
ok I'll be some other girl
I'm the problem
So I'll pretend like I don't care
I'm the issue
and I don't wanna bring you down

Im gonna change
change and become good enough
not gonna cry anymore
cause' I'll just bring you down

Im gonna be lost
lost and truly alone
not gonna tell you
cause' I'll just bring you down

I'm the issue
ok I'll be some other girl
I'm the problem
So I'll pretend like I don't care
I'm the issue
and I don't wanna bring you down

Im gonna give up
give up and be some other clone
not gonna scream
cause' I don't wanna bring you down

I'm the issue
ok I'll be some other girl
I'm the problem
So I'll pretend like I don't care
I'm the issue
and I don't wanna bring anyone down



(c) Bonnie B.

Spinning. Turning.

Endless thoughts
thickening plots
I'm going nowhere
can't bear this despair

fleeting memories
I've lost it all
why can't I think straight
What is to be my fate

My head is spinning
My world is turning
Somthings changing
crawing cause' I can't stand
crying cause' I can

summers gone winters coming
to bring me back my sleeping pain
summers gone, and it took with it
all thats left of me

people call me beautiful
but if they could only see
the beauty they see is hard
Cold and hard

My head is spinning
My world is turning
Somthings changing
crawing cause' I can't stand
crying cause' I can

days go by, nightmares come
someone tell me what are my symptoms
I'll just wait here in the dark
and let life make another mark

My head is spinning
My world is turning
Somthings changing
crawing cause' I can't stand
crying cause' I have to



(c) Bonnie B.

Dancing In The Rain

Becoming nothing
when I was so-post to be everything
how the H3ll did I end up like this
broken dreams,I'll just blow that kiss

lost to the point of insanity
but I keep that smile on my pretty face
and show em' all I don't give a care
I'll show em' all that

I've Lost it
laughing in my pain
I've Lost it
dancing in the rain
I've lost it
but I'll tell you that Im sane

tears run down my face
leaving that lil' trace
Of what Im really feeling
though you won't ever know

trying to be something more
but I keep having to ignore
that Im losing more then I gain
my life is going down the drain

I've Lost it
laughing in my pain
I've Lost it
dancing in the rain
I've lost it
but I'll tell you that Im sane

lost all feeling I have inside
waiting for this numbness to subside
ask me if Im ok, ask me if I'm happy
I'll give you an answer but I lie

forgot how to laugh like I mean it
forgot everything that used to be me
forgot myself in the someone I was trying to be
so why can't I forget how much I hate me

I've Lost it
pretending It's ok
I've Lost it
rembering that I lied
I've lost it

I've Lost it
laughing in my pain
I've Lost it
dancing in the rain
I've lost it
but I'll tell you that Im sane
I've lost myself in the rain




(c) Bonnie B.

What I Am

Breaking mistakes
that's all it takes
to introduce a whole new game
And I can't say anything will be the same

can't seem to find the breaks
I know it's there but with what stakes
I wanna laugh, I need to cry
I know I like this but I can't deny

Slut in the making
that's what I am
barely a Virgin
but who gives a D@MN
not me

something to start it all
someone started this downfall
this feels so good
I don't know if it should

Wrong choices
someone bring me my vodka
need it to take this pain away
at least for today

Slut in the making
that's what I am
barely a Virgin
but who gives a D@MN
not me

How It All Began
how it's all gonna end
I had a plan
lost it, watched it blend

Why can't I Stop
'cause this is too much fun
why can't I just disappear
everything is so unclear

Slut in the making
that's what I am
barely a Virgin
but who gives a D@MN
Me...I give a D@MN





(c) Bonnie B.

Heaven Took Command

He made it happen
or we never would have made it so far
Placed this into our hands
even though he knew
it was gonna be bizarre
Heaven took command


Sent from up above
Thats what this has gotta be
Sent from up above
Feels so right and so wrong
but nothing in this world
feels all right


I can't imagine
Looking in someone else's eyes
It's hard to think
Reaching for someone else's hand
You know what Im thinkin'
Heaven had a plan


Sent from up above
Thats what this has gotta be
Sent from up above
Feels so right and so wrong
but nothing in this world
feels all right


Love was created there
and thats where its from
this wasn't my plan and it wasn't yours
and heavens never wrong


Sent from up above
Thats what this has gotta be
Sent from up above
Feels so right and so wrong
but nothing in this world
feels all right


(c) Bonnie B.

Your Bonnie

Left early this morning
To go to those blue, blue seas
Left early this morning
now I lay Over that ocean he spoke of

Your Bonnie My lie over the ocean
Your Bonnie May lie over the sea
Your Bonnie May Lie over the ocean
But This Bonnie will come back you see

As I Rose above the clouds
I was wondering
If Heaven looked anything like this
It was Bright and Beautiful, I wish you were there

Im gone, Your still there
Im there, your still gone
And when were both home
We might as well be an Ocean apart

Your Bonnie My lie over the ocean
Your Bonnie May lie over the sea
Your Bonnie May Lie over the ocean
But This Bonnie will come back you see



(c) Bonnie B.

Just The Thought

This little piece of heaven
tastes a lil' bitter
But who likes it when its all too sweet

this little piece of heaven
Is truly all I want
even though I haven't seen him in a while

Just the thought that he's thinking of me
Makes me feel like Im worth it
I Love him, Don't know if I could ever prove how much

starting to wonder if this fight is worth while
for you...I know you say it is
But all I seem to be doing is taking

I wish there was something more for me to give
All I have is my Love and friendship
And the only person I've said "I Love you" to...

Just the thought that he's thinking of me
Makes me feel like Im worth it
I Love him, Don't know if I could ever prove how much



(c) Bonnie B.

What Happens

What happens when your world changes
all cause' of just one person
what happens to your all together attitude
when your waiting by the phone

what happens to your thoughts
when all you can think of is him
what happens when you just stop breathing
just because he's there

All you have to do is walk in the room
and you have me from then on
All I can do when your there
is wait and see if its ok for me to kiss you
can't seem to keep my lips off of you

what happened when you said you loved me
I said I Love you too
what happened when you got kissed
I said do you want me to...Do you?

so many more questions then answers
so many more wrong then right
so many more mistakes then good choices
Im so scared you'll give up... I'm sorry

All you have to do is walk in the room
and you have me from then on
All I can do when your there
is wait and see if its ok for me to kiss you
can't seem to keep my lips off of you



(c) Bonnie B.

Hold Me

Memories of him all around me
I just can't seem to think clearly
Never knew that I would feel so scared
there's no way I can be prepared
for anything that he does

I want so bad for him to be ok with all of this
I don't even know if he's ok with my kiss
All I want is for him to be happy
even if that means with or without me
but never inbetween

Look at me and tell me Im beautiful
Hold me and tell me you won't ever let me go
Take my hand and tell me you're ok with it all
kiss me and I'll know its all true
funny, I don't think I could let you

You said you wouldn't stop me
but that's not what I asked
why'd you say what you did
is it because you want to forbid?
or some other unknown reason?

I wish that 1st night You took my hand
would last forever at my command
but it's all slipping through my hands like sand
am I holding on too tight?
am I coming on too strong?

Look at me and tell me I'm beautiful
Hold me and tell me you won't ever let me go
Take my hand and tell me you're ok with it all
kiss me and I'll know its all true
funny, I don't think I could let you

Look at me and tell me I'm beautiful
Hold me and tell me you won't ever let me go
Take my hand and tell me you're ok with it all
kiss me and I'll know its all true
funny...I don't think I could let you





(c) Bonnie Broderick

I Hate the Mall

You wanna know why? If not stop reading, if so...

I don't like the mall because Of all the pretty girls.

I don't like the mall because of All the Pretty Girls With their boyfriends.

I don't like the Mall because it makes me feel ugly and insignificant.

I don't like the mall because I've been told time and time again that I'm beautiful...But when it comes down to it all I don't feel the part.

I don't like the Mall because they all look so happy...I know their not...But they still look happy.

I don't like the mall because I say I don't wanna be like that, but really... I do.

I don't like the mall because of all the photos of those perfect girls, with the blonde hair and Blue Eyes...

I don't like the mall because I try on the "popular" outfits and I never seem to be able to pull it off.

I don't like the mall because It reminds me of Public school...

I don't like the mall because for the whole time I'm in the mall I feel suffocated, misplaced, ugly, stupid, not worth anything... And I don't think there is anything that will or would change that.

I don't like the mall because it reminds me what I really think of myself.

I don't like the mall yet I'm there... Wandering around, trying to laugh it all off... Im there doing things I knew I shouldn't have been doing... I'm there...Desperately trying to look like or be one of those f@cking carbon copies that I despise so much...


(c) Bonnie B.

Taken Away

He was mine, I was his
We were hidden
never to be found
but we knew we were stormbound

the day from gray to black
I knew this was more than a setback
this was an end to our secret world
no more of those sweet stolen kisses

Taken away,It was all taken away
all that's left are
those sweet, sweet memories
and the hope that I might get him back
if only in my dreams

no regrets, no "if onlys"
I'll walk tall
despite it all
But with tears in my eyes

Don't stop loving me
that's all I want nothing more
As I cried the day away
I thought of what got taken

Taken away,It was all taken away
all that's left are
those sweet, sweet memories
and the hope that I might get him back
if only in my dreams

Taken away,It was all taken away
all that's left are
those sweet, sweet memories
and the hope that I might get him back
if only In my dreams
if only





(c) Bonnie Broderick

I Scream

In the dark all alone
thinking about all of the unknown
those words I hear, hit down deep
is there nothing I can keep?

heard it a million times over
I just don't know what I wanna do
screwing up, all up and down
I scream and no one hears a sound

no one hears, my screams inside
where I keep it, so it can hide
I have something I could keep
but it seems that destruction is all I seek

life seems to be on some other side
maybe I can be carried away by the tide
drinking up the water so it becomes me
and they say life is the key

I know what's wrong about it all
I don't deserve anything but that endless fall
don't have anything to keep, nothing much to give away
I know thats what they say

no one hears, my screams inside
where I keep it, so it can hide
I have something I could keep
but it seems that destruction is all I seek





(c) Bonnie Broderick

Step A Little Closer

The Dreams that haunted me
were too real, too quickly
The Dreams that held me so near
came and brought new fear

but when I say I'm going in
I'm already two feet under
and when I say I Love you
it's because I really do

I'm nothing when it comes
to those brown eyes of yours
Can you feel its different
Don't want us to get distant
So, please, step a little closer

I can't pretend nothing happened
but I can come pretty close
If you do one thing for me
do something you would never do

Something that shows me
that your truly going in
Don't ask me what or when
the sky's the limit

I'm nothing when it comes
to those brown eyes of yours
Can you feel its different
Don't want us to get distant
So, please, step a little closer

why did you change you mind?
what did you find?
was it guilt? Was it shame?
was it love? Was it claim?

I'm nothing when it comes
to those brown eyes of yours
Can you feel its different
Don't want us to get distant
So, please, step a little closer



(c) Bonnie Broderick

Unprepared

Unprepared for the things you said
So afraid Of the things ahead
'cause if I do this and you get scared
I once again get caught unprepared
totally unprepared

you were forgiven long before
because I chose to ignore
what was happening
right in front of me

you say you'll fight for me
I guess I'll just have to wait and see
yeah I'm scared, yeah I'll cry
because I don't like Goodbye

Unprepared for the things you said
So afraid Of the things ahead
'cause if I do this and you get scared
I once again get caught unprepared
totally unprepared

Remember what you promised me
I know it won't be easy
Look me in the eye and say
that you will tell me if you get scared

you know how I felt
it hasn't changed
just playing with the hand I was dealt
don't really like how it's arranged

Unprepared for the things you said
So afraid Of the things ahead
'cause if I do this and you get scared
I once again get caught unprepared
totally unprepared

Unprepared for the things you said
Unprepared and totally scared
Unprepared yet I'm still willing
but only if you promise you are

Unprepared for the things you said
So afraid Of the things ahead
'cause if I do this and you get scared
I once again get caught unprepared
totally unprepared

(c) Bonnie Broderick

Watch Me

Watch me as I give up
there's nothing i can do
I can't just sit back and wait
for my broken fate
Just watch
I'll end it all
so that there's not that far of a fall
it's better for you anyways
just pretend It never happened
or pretend it was all a dream
I'm not doing this because I don't Love you
I'm doing it because I do
and because I'm not something you should pursue
Just Watch me as I give up
I've been fighting it all along
or maybe when you sang that song
so let me overview it for you
We're just friends
and thats all we should ever be
but not because I want to
its because you do


(c) Bonnie

Tell, Show, and Make me

Tell me you love me
Tell me you care
Tell me 'cause if you say it, it must be true
You would never lie to me...
right?

Show me you Love me
Show me you care
Show me 'cause if you do it, it must be true
You would never treat me false...
Right?

Make me feel you love me
Make me feel you care
Make me feel it 'cause if you do it, it must be true
You would never lead me on...
Right?


(c) Bonnie Broderick

Thorns

Maybe you do care
maybe...*crossout* This will work

I Love you... Did you know?
You make me feel so good

seems like you can't get enough of me
let me tell you it's mutual

'Cause every rose has its thorns
Some more than others

But you can still hold a rose if you hold it right
when I see you next you better hold me tight

Don't be shy, Don't Pretend I'm not there
Because I will be, and I'm still me

tell me what's on your mind
talk about how odd we are all the time

I wanna hear you laugh and
Be there when you cry

Tell me all your problems
tell me all your fears

Come all in with me
and If you dont like it, you can go on out

don't regret it, try it
I promise I'll be good


(c) Bonnie Broderick

Tiptoe...

Don't tiptoe around me
can't you see
that's what's hurting me

Give me all the good or bad
Don't worry about making me mad or sad
cause' I'm a big girl

Don't tiptoe around me
can't you see
that's what's hurting me

I can take it all and more
I hate that you think you can't tell me anything
because you can, it gives me purpose

Don't tiptoe around me
can't you see
that's what's hurting me


(c) Bonnie Broderick

Words

Your words keep echoing in my head
On those papers and what you said

miss you so much when your gone
wanna know the new conclusions you have drawn

do you regret anything you said to me
'cause I don't want words that are empty

I'm sorry If I'm Doubting you
I tend not to believe that anything is true

though I really, really want to
but if you wanna live without me and not pursue

I understand and will live with it
though I think you would regret it

Don't worry about hurting me
you can tell me anything, it's me, it's Bonnie

Twirl me around, don't be scared
though you may not be prepared

I think you can do this
be warned, it wont all be bliss



(c) Bonnie B.

I Need an Answer

Tell me if you're in
Or would that be a sin?
Please don't keep my on my toes
'cause I keep ending up with zeros

Come all in or don't come at all
because I don't wanna fall
I know this is new
but can you tell me the issue

This doesn't need to be so hard
Let's just have a li'l fun
Just take it as it comes
unless you think you can't handle THIS
then I'll just blow you a kiss

I'll be ok either way
Just dont turn away
cant keep wondering like this
I feel like I just missed

you tell me it's not just dreams
but that's not what it seems
often, I feel like just another girl
Just give me a li'l whirl

This doesn't need to be so hard
Let's just have a li'l fun
Just take it as it comes
unless you think you can't handle THIS
then I'll just blow you a kiss

I know this might feel like a couple of blows
but thats the life of heros
You know I care
and you know you need to beware

what else do you need figured out
before you have no doubt




((not Done...But to tired to finish))

(c) Bonnie B.

Laughing

Get away from me, I don't wanna hear it
I really don't care anymore
I was always better on my own
where only I could hurt myself

Don't ask me what's wrong
Don't tell me it'll be ok
cause' I know it won't
and there's nothing wrong, Im just insane

Laughing, At what's not there
Laughing, cause' It's all Insane
Laughing, cause' I've finally given up
Laughing, in the dark
Laughing, Life is just so d@mn funny

Yeah you'll see me
and It'll all seem the same
but its not cause I've gone insane
all laughs and smiles

careful Im dangerous
I might just bite
So get out of my freakin' sight
Im ok, Im fine

Laughing, At what's not there
Laughing, cause' It's all Insane
Laughing, cause' I've finally given up
Laughing, in the dark
Laughing, Life is just so d@mn funny


(c) Bonnie B.

Keep On

On the edge of everything I know
pushing away my hero
I want him to come closer
But I keep yellin' Danger

growing up, tell it to stop
I wanna be that lil' girl on that hill-top
make it so it's worth it
still don't feel like I'm adequate

running, I'm going nowhere
crying, they can't hear me out-here
screaming, no One will care
hopin', he'll finally be there

Keep on, despair is comin' fast
Keep on, forget about your past
Keep On, they do love you
Keep on, you have someone true
Keep on, just stop thinking,3, 2, 1 go

just let it all go
stop putting on a show
cuz' your growin' up, like it or not
so stop being such a big-shot

Push a lil' harder
Go a lil' farther
sleep away all your wondering tears
try to kill all those haunting fears

running, I'm going nowhere
crying, they can't hear me out-here
screaming, no One will care
hopin', he'll finally be there

Keep on, despair is comin' fast
Keep on, forget about your past
Keep On, they do love you
Keep on, you have someone true
Keep on, just stop thinking,3, 2, 1 go




((not done...))

(c) Bonnie B.

So Hard

So Hard to be close to you
Harder to turn away
I need to end this wondering
Just tell me where it's going
Will you jump in at the count 3?
Yea, this is my plea

Love it when your near me
You protect me when their mean
Yeah, just seems like I fit
In that one place in you neck

I know this isn't what you do
I promise I'll try not, to do anything your not into
Just tell me if I over step you
Cuz I Won't be an issue

So Hard to be close to you
Harder to turn away
I need to end this wondering
Just tell me where it's going
Will you jump in at the count 3?
Yea, this is my plea

You make me feel so freakin' good
I'd do anything for you that I could
Just seems so easy when your around
You have me to the ground

If you know you will always be on that fence
Then you must know you'd be doing it at my expense
Don't worry about not measuring up
Cuz' you already do

So Hard to be close to you
Harder to turn away
I need to end this wondering
Just tell me where it's going
Will you jump in at the count 3?
Yea, this is my plea


(not done...)
(c) Bonnie B.

You...

Even though you know all my flaws
you accepted me without pause
You make me feel like Im worth it
you make me want to be more than a half-whit

Things may not have been good
so many things I misunderstood
I don't wanna push you
But it can't be helped and It won't undo

Don't do anything you don't wanna do
because I know these consequences will be new
tell me slow and Ill go slow tell me fast and I'll go fast
Because I don't want to feel like I've trespassed

Things may not have been good
so many things I misunderstood
I don't wanna push you
But it can't be helped and It won't undo

If you don't wanna do this, if you start to get scared
just tell me if you're not prepared
Cuz I'm a big girl and can handle it
I know how hard it is to commit

Things may not have been good
so many things I misunderstood
I don't wanna push you
But it can't be helped and It won't undo



(not done)
(C) Bonnie B.

Just Tell mee

Need to watch the steps Im taking
Need to think about the hearts I'm breaking
One missed step, one wrong word
I don't want this to be awkward
Why does it have to be this way?

Tell me now that you don't want me
I Just need to know
Where exactly I'm so post to go
Why do I love him so much
Just waitin' for his touch
Just tell me that you don't want me

Can't believe I'm one of them
Who's love will condemn
I hate myself more and more
I think my soul just tore
Why am I acting this way?

Tell me now that you don't want me
I Just need to know
Where exactly I'm so post to go
Why do I love him so much
Just waitin' for his touch
Just tell me that you don't want me

Will anyone tell me it's all ok?
Will anyone tell me what to say?
Anyone just love me in every way
Or will I just have to pay?
Why do I feel that way?

Tell me now that you don't want me
I Just need to know
Where exactly I'm so post to go
Why do I love him so much
Just waitin' for his touch
Just tell me now that you don't want me



(not done)
(c) Bonnie B.

Dying

As I lay here in the dark
I look into myself, it darkens
I gaze at the stars, not seeing
though my tears that are falling

Dying from the inside out
Bleeding from my wounds
Im out here all alone
someone take me in their arms
and tell me its ok

I wisper as I cry in the night
asking for the truth outright
do you love me?, will you have me?
just tell me truly

Dying from the inside out
Bleeding from my wounds
Im out here all alone
someone take me in their arms
and tell me its ok

keep makin' the same mistakes
keep havin' all these heartbreaks
show me how to let it All go
cuz' I don't want to carry this anymore, NO

Dying from the inside out
Bleeding from my wounds
Im out here all alone
someone take me in their arms
and tell me its ok


(c) Bonnie B.
(not done)

Mistake

Why is it like this?
Longing for a kiss
Which path should I take
Cuz' Im afraid I'll make a mistake

So confused, don't know where to go
I feel like I've sunk so low
what's wrong with me? why am I doing this?
Why is everything so amiss?

I don't want it, I can't lose it
All I seem to want is benefit
NO! Im not like that, I don't do this
But it seems like bliss...

Why is it like this?
Longing for a kiss
Which path should I take
Cuz' Im afraid I'll make a mistake

Everywhere I turn, every time I look
Im caught like a fish on a hook
What happened to those old time cooties?
So I can get rid of All these worries

Its not your fault, maby you feel it too?
But I really have no freakin' clue
Just don't look into my eyes the way you do
yeah, just stop being so true

Why is it like this?
Longing for a kiss
Which path should I take
Cuz' Im afraid I'll make a mistake

Make a mistake like I always do
Make a mistake I can't undo
I don't wanna take what we have away
so just do as I say
yeah... just do as I say
.......
*sigh*




(c) Bonnie B.

This is why I Cried

There is a pain deep inside
and this is why I cried

Cuz' every time I stop and think
I just seem to shrink

Shrink into the nothing I have become
Have I finally hit rock bottom?

There is a pain deep inside
And this is why I cried

Keep on laughing, keep on smiling
Keep on dialing, the wrong number

Goin' everywhere, not gettin' anywhere
All I can tell you is beware

There is a pain deep inside
And this is why I cried

So many mistakes
To many outbreaks

I cant make it go away
So I guess its here to stay

There is a pain deep inside
And this is why I cried

Yes they'll have me, but will they keep me?
Because to tell the truth Im not all that friendly

I don't mean it, I don't know Im doin' it
It's just so hard for me to commit

There is a pain deep inside
And this is why I cried

Keeps seeming like Im trying to laugh it all off
But it keeps coming back all too often

I'm so mixed up, so inside out
All I wanna do anymore is shout

There is a pain deep inside
And this is why I cried

There is a pain deep inside
And this is why I'm crying





(c) Bonnie B.

Tears

Tears fall like rain
on this pointless life
give me its purpose
And I might not go insane

Im just looking for some one to love me
was starting to get desperate
found out I can't just take any
till I find that he won't have me

here I wait
for my long coming fate
so many wrongs, yet so many right
All I want is my long Awaited knight

Tears fall like rain
on this pointless life
give me its purpose
And I might not go insane

maybe Im wanting too much
why do I crave your touch?
I've never felt this way before
It's to much for me to Ignore

Tears fall like rain
on this pointless life
give me its purpose
And I might not go insane


(c)Bonnie B.

I don't need A Fake

Don't pretend to be my friend
don't Pretend To be anything more
there's no need for anyone to pretend a friend
If anything a real friend or my true amour

Cuz, I'm just fine on my own
Yeah I'd rather be alone
I don't need a fake
don't you know all they do is take
Don't pretend, No Just Don't
Cuz I don't need a fake

Im not pretending for anyone
I require the same
you have no duty to me, no none
so no one is to blame

Cuz, I'm just fine on my own
Yeah I'd rather be alone
I don't need a fake
don't you know all they do is take
Don't pretend, No Just Don't
Cuz I don't need a fake

Don't pretend to be anything your not
Keep this going, you'll get yourself in a deadlock
Cuz I don't need some big-shot
And I don't want your tainted talk

Cuz, I'm just fine on my own
Yeah I'd rather be alone
I don't need a fake
don't you know all they do is take
Don't pretend, No Just Don't
Cuz I don't need a fake

All I need is someone to get rid of this heartbreak
and If I get another Fake
I think it might just be its last break
so I better not make another mistake

Cuz, I'm just fine on my own
Yeah I'd rather be alone
I don't need a fake
don't you know all they do is take
Don't pretend, No Just Don't
Cuz I don't need a fake


(c) Bonnie B.
(GAH,...not done...)

His Love

The world so empty so lost
sooner or later we will pay the cost

of tricks and treason
or any and all reason

you may have escaped punishment on earth
but eventually it will take its worth

there is a way to wash it all away
because someone else did pay

Pay for all the sin of humankind
so you can leave it all behind

just open your eyes and your heart
you won't know how you were ever apart

from the one who knows you inside and out
and can erase all of your doubt

about Hope,Faith, or Love
because it all was created by the one above

he'll make you feel like your worth it
but only if you submit

your heart and soul
or else you will pay the toll

of denying the one and only way
for the last coming day

you will not regret your choice
you will long to hear his voice

he will love you for you
and will always be true

Just be who you are
you are his shining star

you may stray from him
but once again the world will dim

because the only way life is worth a thing
is if you grasping

The hand of Jesus
who is and always will be Blameless

he can show you all there is and more
something you cannot ignore

give him a chance, he is waiting
all you have to do is be willing

it Dose'nt matter what you've done however big or small
he will still take you flaws and all

just take his hand and watch it all fade away
be sure you do not go astray

there is more after life on earth
he has a place for you that's worth

where you will dwell ever after
and love your Lord at his alter

where there will be no pain
and were there is no rain

what will you choose when it comes down to it all?
will you go the everlasting way or will you take your fall?

it is all up to you
if you want to be brand new

but it is even more
than just being thought as poor

if you don't go the right way
the only other way is the wrong way

there you will surely pay it to the fullest
where all there is, is coldness

and were there is no hope
all you can do is cope

this place I speak of
is the opposite from above

this place I speak of shall remain nameless
but just remember that this place is anything but painless

take his hand, he will lead you
submit your pain, he will heal you

Give him your heart, he will love you
show him you sin, he will forgive you

what else could you ask for?
he will give it all to you and more




(I don't know what to put as an ending)



(c) Bonnie B.

Taking a chance for my long awaited romance

Ok Im taking a chance

And making my advance

You got mee entranced

With just one glance

Am I always doomed for mischance

Or will I finally get my long awaited romance

are you the one perchance?

I'll wait till find out to do my happy dance

For now you keep makeing my heart prance

Im taking a chance

For my long awaited romance




(c) Bonnie B.

Dont let mee Fade

Im lost I don't know where I am
but no one seems to give a d@mn

I need someone to love mee
But no one seems to see mee

I wish that it would all go away
so that I don't have to lose myself in every day

I don't know if I can keep holding in this pain
If I do I'll just go completely insane

What happened to that happy ending
or was every one just pretending

Im out in the open for everyone to see
and all I want to do is run away from mee

I don't want to be who I am anymore
this little girl is tired of being thought as poor

Im more than you think I am
cant you just give me a chance
I don't know How to be mee anymore
I don't know how to be anything
shadow Of a person
I need someone to hold my hand and tell mee where to go
because if you keep letting mee do what Im doing
you might just lose mee
and have to think of mee as past
Im slowly fading away to nothing
please don't let mee go
I know that Im not perfect
I know Im not even close
but I really need someone to come and take my hand and help mee
instead of letting mee fade away...
fade away to nothing




(c) Bonnie B.

Longing

Come to me in my dreams,and then by day
I shall face what I may
For the night will more than pay
for The hopeless longing of the day.

when you come back at last
will you just think of me as past?
or will you make my moments true
without me giving you the cue

will you still be the same
will you still know my name
are you what I think you are
or will I ever make your bar

for now all I do is pray
and wait for your coming day
hoping you will love me every way
so that I dont have to pay

Come to me in my dreams, and then by day
I shall face what I may
For the night will more than pay
For The hopeless longing of the day.


(c) Bonnie B.

To avoid criticism...

to avoid criticism

to avoid
to stay away from
criticism
to judge
to avoid judgment
judgment
opinion
to avoid other peoples opinion
to think about
to avoid thought
thought
reflection
to avoid reflection
to consider carefully
to avoid being considerd
to think over with care
to develop ideas
to avoid ideas

to avoid criticism, judgement, opinion, thought, considering, ideas.....
is to be nothing

nothing is to be of no value, use, or importance

to avoid criticism is to be nothing

Im definitely not nothing

so who am I?

(c) Bonnie B.

keep mee?

Waiting for the Inevitable to happen
for my past to pull mee under
used all the ways out
used all my strength
all my soul
all I had left
this battle scared girl is tired of fighting
tired of living as if in some care-free world
that no longer exists
the real world is out to get mee
and only hope that’s left
is the hope that my knight in shining armor
will come
the longer I looked
the longer I wait
I realize
he’s never coming for mee
no one is coming for mee
I am empty
darkness that once had a strong hold on my existence
will once agin take a hold of my heart and this time
that darkness will break mee
break mee past healing
past living
no one loves mee...
not for mee
no one wants mee
no one keeps mee
can you save mee from this darkness?
will you want mee?
keep mee?
Because...
no one else will
just
keep mee
keep MEE



(c)Bonnie B.