Just

Thought I had it all figured out
or maybe I knew I didn't
So many things I wish I hadn't done
But all I could think of was the fun
I know

use me, leave me behind
abuse me, there's nothing left to find
another girl forgotten
another nothing left behind
I know

what do you do then
with trouble just around the bend
what's left to fight for
when your left crawling on the floor

Just another nothing
Just another Girl
Just leave me
Just leave me to die
Just cry
Just cry like you did before
Just pretend this isn't happening
Just Pretend you don't care
Just another nothing
Just another girl

I'm never gonna learn
that's none of your concern
d@mn him for treating me like...
what I really am
I know

Drown myself in music
Drown myself in pity
that will get me no where
done it before
I know

what do you do then
with trouble just around the bend
what's left to fight for
when your left crawling on the floor

Just another nothing
Just another Girl
Just leave me
Just leave me to die
Just cry
Just cry like you did before
Just pretend this isn't happening
Just Pretend you don't care
Just another nothing
Just another girl

I'll pretend like I've got it
I'll pretend I think I'm beautiful
I'll pretend like I'm not afraid
I'll pretend like I'm that girl
The girl I used to be before...

what do you do then
with trouble just around the bend
what's left to fight for
when your left crawling on the floor

Just another nothing
Just another Girl
Just leave me
Just leave me to die
Just cry
Just cry like you did before
Just pretend this isn't happening
Just Pretend you don't care
Just another nothing
Just another girl

Just Pretend.






(c) Bonnie B.

Mabye...

Stuck with no where to go
stuck with nothing to show
don't know how I thought life would be
but its not what you see

gave it all away
don't think I'm gonna be okay
I'm looking for something
don't know what I'm so post to find

all I seem to do
everything they expect of me
I'm...

Hurting all I Touch
disappointing all I know
never good enough
never on the right side
All I can think of doing
is run and hide
shove another pill down your throat
kill yourself one more time
and maybe you'll stay dead

maybe...

everything is slipping
my heart is ripping
life just got harder
for me to harbor

alone, with no one to hear
hear as I lose my sanity with every tear
hear as I lose all I had held dear
nothing is clear anymore

all I seem to do
everything they expect of me
I'm...

Hurting all I Touch
disappointing all I know
never good enough
never on the right side
All I can think of doing
is run and hide
shove another pill down your throat
kill yourself one more time
and maybe you'll stay dead

maybe...You can't die







(c) Bonnie B.

Let Me

I cant be that lil' girl you want me to be
Can't be that lil' angel for every one to see
All I can do is be who I've always been
is that so much of a sin

Yeah, I'll laugh, I'll even cry
but there is more to life that you can't deny
My mistakes are, mine to deal with
why won't you just

Let me live my life
and be who I wanna be
let me make my mistakes
just like you got to make yours
let me live...


Let me live my life
and be who I wanna be
let me make my mistakes
just like you got to make yours
let me live...

(c) Bonnie B.

Just Keep Breathing

Trying to ignore this pain
There's nothing but the rain
watching as my life gets more insane
misery rains down on me

feeling like someone's always watching
disapproving my every move
why won't anyone approve
approve of me

finding it harder...
Finding it harder to breathe

Just keep breathing
pretend that your alive
Just keep breathing
maybe you'll survive
Just keep on breathing

no one likes to be alone
totally and utterly alone
tell me if your there
tell me your more than just air

Trying to figure out this life
trying to figure out where I messed up
and when I became this girl
but now I'm...

finding it harder...
Finding it harder to breathe

Just keep breathing
pretend that your alive
Just keep breathing
maybe you'll survive
Just keep on breathing

Tell me you love me (breathe)
tell me like you mean it (breathe)
cause' I know too many liars (breath)
and I've been used too many times (breathe)

finding it harder...
Finding it harder to breathe

Just keep breathing
pretend that your alive
Just keep breathing
maybe you'll survive
Just keep on breathing

Breathe...




(c) Bonnie

9/11 Poem

wrote this on the day of September 11 as the planes we're crashing into our twin towers and I thought I would share it with you on its 4th Anniversary...

(FYI: some of it will make NO SCENCE because I was even worse with spelling/grammar then and I can't really read all of what I wrote...)



Twin Towers and America

Hussien had a heart of stone
trying to change America
that he did
red, white and blue waves swiftly
crashing planes and dying too
with dirty hearts and evil plans
though America still stands
strong and sturdy we are
but we must stay together
If we don't put our trust in God
we will surly be as successful as bin lodin
America knows that pain can be sudden or slow
for some there is no pain
but for those who are left behind
and others upset by the buildings
pain is there
but together we can come though
we can't let bin Lodin do what he came to do
Now bin Lodin hides in fear
this is disgraceful for a man who tampered with America
So quite, are you scared?
you who tampered with America?
evince yourself
stop being prudent
because time will catch you and trap you
President Bush O so strong
found the plan
now in war our men fight
We'll fight Hussien with his copies and his weapons
you will not stand




(c) Bonnie B. '01

Keeps On

Since when have my emotions become so complicated
how did I get so weird and hated
when did my world change
what am I doing

I wanna laugh and have some fun
but it seems the crying has just begun
I wanna talk and be the same
but I'm who I became

my head keeps on spinning
I don't know what Im gonna do
if you cant be happy with me all new
I don't really know what to say
don't know what else I'll betray
My life keeps on turning

(STOP!)

just slowdown
don't wanna be a letdown
when is it gonna be okay
I don't know what to say

I have these emotions
there's nothing I can do
everything is strange
and everything did its change without me

my head keeps on spinning
I don't know what Im gonna do
if you cant be happy with me all new
I don't really know what to say
don't know what else I'll betray
My life keeps on Burning

changes, don't think I'll ever be the same
changes, can you take what I became
changes, life is full
changes, at least its not at all dull

my head keeps on spinning
I don't know what Im gonna do
if you cant be happy with me all new
I don't really know what to say
don't know what else I'll betray
My life keeps on and on and on

So, I'll keep on and on and on and on






(c) Bonnie Broderick

This Isn't

You left me
left me with myself
you left me
and I let you

~

I let you in
among all of my sin
I let you in
and now I need you

~

This isn't what I wanted
this isn't what it was so post to be
why dose it all have to be like this
why do I feel like sh!t
I have everything to lose

~

why can't you let me
be who I wanna be
why do I feel like
your not ok with me

~

I wish you could understand
but I know you never will
this is what I was always afraid of
cause' it hurts that you disapprove

~

This isn't what I wanted
this isn't what it was so post to be
why dose it all have to be like this
why do I feel like sh!t
I have everything to lose

~

and it hurts that you disapprove...

~


(c) Bonnie B.

Dont Wanna Bring You down

Im gonna stay here
here on my own
not gonna go with you
cause' I'll just bring you down

Im gonna cry
cry like the baby I am
Not gonna call you the phone
Cause' I'll just bring you down

I'm the issue
ok I'll be some other girl
I'm the problem
So I'll pretend like I don't care
I'm the issue
and I don't wanna bring you down

Im gonna change
change and become good enough
not gonna cry anymore
cause' I'll just bring you down

Im gonna be lost
lost and truly alone
not gonna tell you
cause' I'll just bring you down

I'm the issue
ok I'll be some other girl
I'm the problem
So I'll pretend like I don't care
I'm the issue
and I don't wanna bring you down

Im gonna give up
give up and be some other clone
not gonna scream
cause' I don't wanna bring you down

I'm the issue
ok I'll be some other girl
I'm the problem
So I'll pretend like I don't care
I'm the issue
and I don't wanna bring anyone down



(c) Bonnie B.

Spinning. Turning.

Endless thoughts
thickening plots
I'm going nowhere
can't bear this despair

fleeting memories
I've lost it all
why can't I think straight
What is to be my fate

My head is spinning
My world is turning
Somthings changing
crawing cause' I can't stand
crying cause' I can

summers gone winters coming
to bring me back my sleeping pain
summers gone, and it took with it
all thats left of me

people call me beautiful
but if they could only see
the beauty they see is hard
Cold and hard

My head is spinning
My world is turning
Somthings changing
crawing cause' I can't stand
crying cause' I can

days go by, nightmares come
someone tell me what are my symptoms
I'll just wait here in the dark
and let life make another mark

My head is spinning
My world is turning
Somthings changing
crawing cause' I can't stand
crying cause' I have to



(c) Bonnie B.

Dancing In The Rain

Becoming nothing
when I was so-post to be everything
how the H3ll did I end up like this
broken dreams,I'll just blow that kiss

lost to the point of insanity
but I keep that smile on my pretty face
and show em' all I don't give a care
I'll show em' all that

I've Lost it
laughing in my pain
I've Lost it
dancing in the rain
I've lost it
but I'll tell you that Im sane

tears run down my face
leaving that lil' trace
Of what Im really feeling
though you won't ever know

trying to be something more
but I keep having to ignore
that Im losing more then I gain
my life is going down the drain

I've Lost it
laughing in my pain
I've Lost it
dancing in the rain
I've lost it
but I'll tell you that Im sane

lost all feeling I have inside
waiting for this numbness to subside
ask me if Im ok, ask me if I'm happy
I'll give you an answer but I lie

forgot how to laugh like I mean it
forgot everything that used to be me
forgot myself in the someone I was trying to be
so why can't I forget how much I hate me

I've Lost it
pretending It's ok
I've Lost it
rembering that I lied
I've lost it

I've Lost it
laughing in my pain
I've Lost it
dancing in the rain
I've lost it
but I'll tell you that Im sane
I've lost myself in the rain




(c) Bonnie B.

What I Am

Breaking mistakes
that's all it takes
to introduce a whole new game
And I can't say anything will be the same

can't seem to find the breaks
I know it's there but with what stakes
I wanna laugh, I need to cry
I know I like this but I can't deny

Slut in the making
that's what I am
barely a Virgin
but who gives a D@MN
not me

something to start it all
someone started this downfall
this feels so good
I don't know if it should

Wrong choices
someone bring me my vodka
need it to take this pain away
at least for today

Slut in the making
that's what I am
barely a Virgin
but who gives a D@MN
not me

How It All Began
how it's all gonna end
I had a plan
lost it, watched it blend

Why can't I Stop
'cause this is too much fun
why can't I just disappear
everything is so unclear

Slut in the making
that's what I am
barely a Virgin
but who gives a D@MN
Me...I give a D@MN





(c) Bonnie B.

Heaven Took Command

He made it happen
or we never would have made it so far
Placed this into our hands
even though he knew
it was gonna be bizarre
Heaven took command


Sent from up above
Thats what this has gotta be
Sent from up above
Feels so right and so wrong
but nothing in this world
feels all right


I can't imagine
Looking in someone else's eyes
It's hard to think
Reaching for someone else's hand
You know what Im thinkin'
Heaven had a plan


Sent from up above
Thats what this has gotta be
Sent from up above
Feels so right and so wrong
but nothing in this world
feels all right


Love was created there
and thats where its from
this wasn't my plan and it wasn't yours
and heavens never wrong


Sent from up above
Thats what this has gotta be
Sent from up above
Feels so right and so wrong
but nothing in this world
feels all right


(c) Bonnie B.

Your Bonnie

Left early this morning
To go to those blue, blue seas
Left early this morning
now I lay Over that ocean he spoke of

Your Bonnie My lie over the ocean
Your Bonnie May lie over the sea
Your Bonnie May Lie over the ocean
But This Bonnie will come back you see

As I Rose above the clouds
I was wondering
If Heaven looked anything like this
It was Bright and Beautiful, I wish you were there

Im gone, Your still there
Im there, your still gone
And when were both home
We might as well be an Ocean apart

Your Bonnie My lie over the ocean
Your Bonnie May lie over the sea
Your Bonnie May Lie over the ocean
But This Bonnie will come back you see



(c) Bonnie B.

Just The Thought

This little piece of heaven
tastes a lil' bitter
But who likes it when its all too sweet

this little piece of heaven
Is truly all I want
even though I haven't seen him in a while

Just the thought that he's thinking of me
Makes me feel like Im worth it
I Love him, Don't know if I could ever prove how much

starting to wonder if this fight is worth while
for you...I know you say it is
But all I seem to be doing is taking

I wish there was something more for me to give
All I have is my Love and friendship
And the only person I've said "I Love you" to...

Just the thought that he's thinking of me
Makes me feel like Im worth it
I Love him, Don't know if I could ever prove how much



(c) Bonnie B.

What Happens

What happens when your world changes
all cause' of just one person
what happens to your all together attitude
when your waiting by the phone

what happens to your thoughts
when all you can think of is him
what happens when you just stop breathing
just because he's there

All you have to do is walk in the room
and you have me from then on
All I can do when your there
is wait and see if its ok for me to kiss you
can't seem to keep my lips off of you

what happened when you said you loved me
I said I Love you too
what happened when you got kissed
I said do you want me to...Do you?

so many more questions then answers
so many more wrong then right
so many more mistakes then good choices
Im so scared you'll give up... I'm sorry

All you have to do is walk in the room
and you have me from then on
All I can do when your there
is wait and see if its ok for me to kiss you
can't seem to keep my lips off of you



(c) Bonnie B.

Hold Me

Memories of him all around me
I just can't seem to think clearly
Never knew that I would feel so scared
there's no way I can be prepared
for anything that he does

I want so bad for him to be ok with all of this
I don't even know if he's ok with my kiss
All I want is for him to be happy
even if that means with or without me
but never inbetween

Look at me and tell me Im beautiful
Hold me and tell me you won't ever let me go
Take my hand and tell me you're ok with it all
kiss me and I'll know its all true
funny, I don't think I could let you

You said you wouldn't stop me
but that's not what I asked
why'd you say what you did
is it because you want to forbid?
or some other unknown reason?

I wish that 1st night You took my hand
would last forever at my command
but it's all slipping through my hands like sand
am I holding on too tight?
am I coming on too strong?

Look at me and tell me I'm beautiful
Hold me and tell me you won't ever let me go
Take my hand and tell me you're ok with it all
kiss me and I'll know its all true
funny, I don't think I could let you

Look at me and tell me I'm beautiful
Hold me and tell me you won't ever let me go
Take my hand and tell me you're ok with it all
kiss me and I'll know its all true
funny...I don't think I could let you





(c) Bonnie Broderick

I Hate the Mall

You wanna know why? If not stop reading, if so...

I don't like the mall because Of all the pretty girls.

I don't like the mall because of All the Pretty Girls With their boyfriends.

I don't like the Mall because it makes me feel ugly and insignificant.

I don't like the mall because I've been told time and time again that I'm beautiful...But when it comes down to it all I don't feel the part.

I don't like the Mall because they all look so happy...I know their not...But they still look happy.

I don't like the mall because I say I don't wanna be like that, but really... I do.

I don't like the mall because of all the photos of those perfect girls, with the blonde hair and Blue Eyes...

I don't like the mall because I try on the "popular" outfits and I never seem to be able to pull it off.

I don't like the mall because It reminds me of Public school...

I don't like the mall because for the whole time I'm in the mall I feel suffocated, misplaced, ugly, stupid, not worth anything... And I don't think there is anything that will or would change that.

I don't like the mall because it reminds me what I really think of myself.

I don't like the mall yet I'm there... Wandering around, trying to laugh it all off... Im there doing things I knew I shouldn't have been doing... I'm there...Desperately trying to look like or be one of those f@cking carbon copies that I despise so much...


(c) Bonnie B.

Taken Away

He was mine, I was his
We were hidden
never to be found
but we knew we were stormbound

the day from gray to black
I knew this was more than a setback
this was an end to our secret world
no more of those sweet stolen kisses

Taken away,It was all taken away
all that's left are
those sweet, sweet memories
and the hope that I might get him back
if only in my dreams

no regrets, no "if onlys"
I'll walk tall
despite it all
But with tears in my eyes

Don't stop loving me
that's all I want nothing more
As I cried the day away
I thought of what got taken

Taken away,It was all taken away
all that's left are
those sweet, sweet memories
and the hope that I might get him back
if only in my dreams

Taken away,It was all taken away
all that's left are
those sweet, sweet memories
and the hope that I might get him back
if only In my dreams
if only





(c) Bonnie Broderick

I Scream

In the dark all alone
thinking about all of the unknown
those words I hear, hit down deep
is there nothing I can keep?

heard it a million times over
I just don't know what I wanna do
screwing up, all up and down
I scream and no one hears a sound

no one hears, my screams inside
where I keep it, so it can hide
I have something I could keep
but it seems that destruction is all I seek

life seems to be on some other side
maybe I can be carried away by the tide
drinking up the water so it becomes me
and they say life is the key

I know what's wrong about it all
I don't deserve anything but that endless fall
don't have anything to keep, nothing much to give away
I know thats what they say

no one hears, my screams inside
where I keep it, so it can hide
I have something I could keep
but it seems that destruction is all I seek





(c) Bonnie Broderick